Panic

I never intended on sending the kids to preschool. It just wasn't something that we thought about. I have an extensive education that includes early childhood education and psychology. My thoughts have always been that I can teach them just as well as someone at a preschool who *doesn't* have a degree. I've always had this thought that they were just glorified daycare centers. Well, Jason has asked a few times about preschool. I'm not sure where this is coming from, except that maybe his mom has asked, but I figured if he's curious I'd look into it. My other thought was that it would be way too expensive for us (anything over $100/week for both is too much). I have been researching preschools here in the area for a few weeks now and nothing really caught my attention. So, I turned to my neighbors who have small kids. I've talked about our wonderful neighbors before, I'm sure. We're extremely fortunate to have the network that we do, and I recognize that. H&B have their daughter, Peyton, who just turned 4. We were going to sit down with them and talk about the adoption process after the loss of our first baby. They send her to a great daycare facility down the street. So, no thoughts on preschools. There is one mom, in particular, that I look to for advice and I respect her tremendously. She has a very similar parenting style and beliefs similar to mine. It turns out, she sends her boys to the same facility as our other favorite neighbors. So, there are four kids who attend this preschool. I asked K for some feedback today and she sent me a long e-mail with info in it, along with the website information. As I sat there looking at the photos of the school and the classrooms, I began to cry. Suddenly, the thought of sending the kids to school (just two days a week, for three hours each day) has put me into a full blown panic. My heart is racing and my palms are sweaty. But, you know what? My view has completely changed about the programs out there. This school has been around since 1950 and was the first kindergarten in town until the county went to k-12. It is a very popular facility and the waiting list can be long. Registration starts next week and the fees are extremely affordable. ($160/mo for T,TH 9-12 class) They have a science class, school pictures, Dad's day, and all sorts of other cool things. The bonus to this is that the kids would be in the same class as one of K's sons who is 6 months younger than E&E. The other upside to this is that I'd have a few hours each week with just the new baby (what in the hell will I do with just one infant?!?! How do you take care of one baby?) and the kids will have an opportunity to learn and participate in activities outside of the house, not to mention peer interaction. I keep them busy, but wouldn't it be nice to have more structured play away from mommy?

Why does this tug at my heart strings so much? I should be jumping at the chance and much more excited about this, I think.

I'm going to call tomorrow and set up an appointment with the head of the program. We may not even be able to get a spot until later on. I'll never know until I try, right?

Update: We've decided to hold off until they're 3 because of finances. We can either put this money towards paying off debt or sending them to this facility twice a week for a few hours a day, and right now, the debt needs to have priority. We're signing them up for a swim class and tumbling through the rec center, instead, which is $78 per class. I'm leaving this here, though, to remind me of these feelings later on.