Stuff and stuff.

I've been holding off on saying anything because I've been so ashamed about it, especially after making it through the twin pregnancy relatively easily. The extra fluid and large baby were, in fact, indicators of gestational diabetes. My number wasn't really "off the charts" so to speak, but it was high enough that my doc didn't even give me the option of the 3-hour test. I made an appointment to go to the gd class and talk with a nutritionist, which was today. I also sat and talked with my perinatologist last week. That was a miserable experience and has left me both numb and angry, ready to fight. I'm going to ask my ob this week if she has another recommendation for the specialist because I really just never thought I'd have to see these folks again after the twins. I'm not at all happy with the techs there and after the experience last week, definitely not happy with the practice in general. He looked me right in the eyes and told me that it would be impossible for me to have a successful VBAC, that they'd most certainly take the baby early via c-section. Unfortunately, that also means that Jason won't be allowed in the delivery room with me. You see, my placenta is directly underneath of the old scar from the first c-section. So, the way it has been explained to me is that it becomes increasingly likely that I will bleed out and need extra help in the delivery room. This is reason number 1,000,000 that I don't want a c-section, but it seems like I'm being bullied into that decision. I have an appointment with my doc on Wednesday and we'll see what she has to say. The other thing I'm really quite upset about right now is that I discovered today at the nutritionist/conference thing that my perinatologist is known for prescribing a drug for gestational diabetes that is not approved by the FDA. The nurse mentioned it to me in passing as a "just in case you didn't know" sort of thing when we talked about the possibility that my numbers might not be controlled through diet. My resting level is high, which is a problem. The nutritionist today looked at last week's food journal and was impressed, but made a few tweeks to see if that will help with the resting numbers in the morning. I still feel like I'm eating way too much food, but I'm going to trust the nutritionist. I am back to throwing up one meal a day, but I'm convinced it's because of the amount I'm eating. I'll talk to the doc on Wednesday about that, as well. I went from eating three small meals a day to eating six small meals a day with LOADS of carbs.

I'm devestated by this news, all in all. If I can't do anything else right at all, I do take phenomenal care of myself during pregnancy because it's no longer just about me. I have this little person that I'm responsible for. I feel like this whole process has been a disaster from beginning to (nearly) end and it upsets me. I had these goals to finally be able to experience childbirth and the labor process and it seems as time progresses, those goals are being eaten away at.

The one thing that I'm not willing to do, in all of this, is take the medication that the peri will prescrible. As much as I want to avoid insulin, if my diet change doesn't correct the numbers, I will take the insulin before taking a pill not approved by the FDA. I don't care that they've been prescribing it for 7 years now and that no patients have had adverse effects. The pill hasn't been around long enough to tell me what it's going to do to my child in the long run...15 years down the road. I can't believe that they are even able to do this. And, what's more, if this nurse hadn't told me, I'd have taken the medication with no questions asked because I TRUST my doctor.